is any one out there... an intro from lindsay

hey peeps. this is lindsay... the newest postee for mustard seed. i don't really have anything to say about myself as far as intros go, but... i thought that i would tell a recent story.

i was talking to this guy at the coffee shop (i'm a barista) the other day, and we started to get into the subject of me and christianity. he has been helping me scope out and plan out a way for me to get into the music scene here in memphis. a couple of weeks ago he recorded me at a live show. he spent several hours listening to the music and mastering it (making it sound cd quality and worthy of selling). after two failed attempts he finally decided that he had figure out what my songs were talking about. "You're not disturbed," he said, "You're convicted!" quite proud of his mystery being solved he set out to talk to some of his connections that might get me into the scene in the christian world. Last night he came back with a list of places and people that he had researched who were a part of the christian music scene in memphis.

i gratefully wrote down every word and thanked him for the information. however, all these names were of places and people that i know of and have tried to stay away from. he was confused as to why i would stay away from trying to make it big in the christian world. he told me that i would have to change the topics of my songs if i were to try to invade the "secular" world. yes, that was his word--"secular". i told him that it doesn't make sense to stop writing songs about god in my life and the journey of faith and conviction that i've been walking so that my music would seem secular. why separate myself--"us" and "them"? i am a secular person. there is nothing sacred about me and the songs that i write are songs that come from my life and my experiences.

somehow, the sacred god of us all has shown this secular creation, me, kindness, love, mercy and peace. the songs i sing are a story of this relationship between the sacred and the secular. until i become sacred, i'm going to stick to singing about my life as it is... broken, messy, imperfect, secular... but hopeful of the sacred.

Retreat this weekend

Tomorrow Jason, Barb, Mandy and I are heading to the Tennessee River for our first of hopefully many annual retreats. First of all, thanks to Charles and Pat Ennis for the use of their new "river" house. Our first of five interest meetings starts January 21, so this will be a great time for us to get ready for that. It's also going to give us an opportunity to reflect on this year, and to give thanks to God for all He's done.

John Piper at Passion

Here's the transcript from one of John Piper's talks at Passion last week. The message was titled "How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause."

Taking the Wheel

Several weeks ago Barb and Mandy decided that they would spend this past weekend at a spiritual retreat in west Arkansas, which turned out to be a great experience for them both. Since I don't want to be home alone I decided that I would drive down Highway 61, which I would catch here in Memphis and take to Natchez or Vicksburg, hitting some major Delta Blues territory. I was planning on spending some time with strangers or in a very cheap motel, thinking about the next 12 months, setting goals, and praying. However, a few weeks ago I caught up with a friend via email and decided to head east.

I found myself just north of Chattanooga, spending time with 2 friends I haven't seen in about 5 years. These friends are the type where you always leave better than you did before, although that might mean you are challenged at some very deep level, though unknown to them. These are friends who have sold their house, gotten out of consumer debt, have given an enormous amount of stuff away and are seeking to move to Asia to share the love of God with people who haven't even heard the word, "Bible, Jesus, or Crispy Cream." Well, I just made up that last bit about Crispy Cream, but to them, seriously, "Jesus," makes just about as much sense. He is not even on the radar.

Several years ago I did summer missions in Vancouver, BC, an experience that really formed, in part, who I am. As I was working under one of the best pastors in Western Canada I just listened to him talk about his friends all over the world who were serving Jesus in thoughtful, genuine, and gracious ways. Deep inside I wanted that. I wanted to have friends all over the world who were serving God faithfully and sacrificially for multiple reasons, most of which are selfish. I wanted to have a global perspective with my faith. I wanted my experience and knowledge to include other nationalities. And later on, which was also rekindled this past weekend, I wanted a heart for the unreached people groups around the world. Believe it or not, there are people groups who do not have a Bible in their own language, who do not have access to the gospel, and who do not know even the word, "Jesus." Think about it: they have neither heard nor said that two syllable utterance Je-sus. And what's really troubling--even if they wanted to know about Jesus they have no way to know. Jackie Pullinger, who worked with drug addicts in Hong Kong, said it best, "They are not going to come here (the church) to hear. We must go to them."

So, I am troubled today. Here I sit in a safe house, living a safe life, in a relatively safe city with all of this going on in my heart, hoping to start a church. Is is possible for God to grow a church here that would have a heart and soul for the nations? Who would seek out God's glory in sacrificial ways? There must be. There has to be hope.

On Sunday I worshiped with my friends and we read this quote by David Brainerd, missionary to the New England Indians 250 years ago. [He subsequently died through his service to the Indians. Many forget that while some were formulating how to take more land, some were crossing cultures to serve and love]. He prayed once, "Lord, let me make a difference for you that is utterly disproportionate to who I am."

So my plan was to go it alone--to ride and enjoy music and downloaded speeches, to see the scenery and think of me and my goals. And then God took the wheel and steered me in a completely different direction. I pray that in the future I will willingly give him the wheel in all spheres of my life.